S
Read this entry at your own peril, coz it's really a matter of to voice out what I had in mind.
So, we're about to come to the end of 2010. Pheww... what a year it was, for me at least. I think this year there has been so many ups and down that really tested me to the highest level as a human being. Big time! My patience, my passion, my sacrifice, my perseverance, the thing I love, the thing I hate... everything.. I think I've been through too much. So much, that I can't even put them into words. Too many things that are too complex to describe, incomprehensible, and sometimes happens for no reason. Or better yet, something that I can't reason it. Not to mention dealing with people that sometimes I can't and don't even wanna see their faces anymore. But one thing for sure - 2010 is a year to remember. Period.
And it also the most tiring year. I can say that this year has been the most restless year so far. I am exhausted. I'm worn out. I am tired. I'm tired even with this blog. Dunno whether I wanna keep on doing it. Or the need to update it. I think I've been mentioning this time and time that blogging is becoming too much hassle. It's a chore. Even to write this blog post took a big effort. A big effort to log in... and to find words and mood to write. Most of the times, believe it or not, I think to whom am i actually writing it? Do I have thousands of readers? Do I have thousands of followers? Do I even make it to Google zeitgeist list? Some people do mention to me, you should write for yourself first. But hey, if I'm writing it to myself... why do I need to publish for everyone else to see? Lagi baik la aku tulis journal and simpan dalam almari kalau camtu. The thing is, that opinion is wrong. I write because I want people to read. I want you to enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing it. I wanna invite you into my own life journey. Or fashion history. The progression. The development. The ups and down. What makes some style work. Or what trend would be out there for you to seek. Or something interesting for me and you to lust over. Or to hate. It's all because I write it to the readers. But what if I'm not having so many people to be in the same bandwagon as I am? It means my effort deosn't work. Is there a need to continue? As one of the saying by anonymous goes; if you love me, let me know. If not... gently let me go. Or in my case... me myself, I will gently go.
Btw, come 2011 is my 3rd year of blogging. Am I loving it? Kind of. Am I hating it? Yes, to that too. The thing is, I don't know why I don't find it a joy anymore as much as I used to. I had the same feeling before, but then I still keep on blogging. This time the feeling is stronger. No joy. Everytime I tried to write something, the mood dampen. I think it's a chore. It's a hard work. It's wasting time. I dunno Is it because of 'three'? Actually, the number three is quite 'sacred' to me. I know things will work, or will not work or really make me bored after I did it in a third sequence. Same thing goes with the previous courses I used to teac - the number three is the recurrence. I left Chemistry after did it for 3 times. I changed Thermodynamics for Fluid Mechanics after I'm bored doing it for 3 semesters. And I'm also thinking to get a new direction and changed Fluid Mechanics for something else after 3 years of taking the subject. It seems '3' shows a point to leave something and try something new. A point that matter for progression. I think the number three is a perfect number. It's not dominant as 1. Not biased as 2. But yes, perfect. So, would 3 be the 'phantom' number for me?
I think another reason I become less passionate to blog is because I'm in the state of bliss. Happy of being home. Joy of getting out from stressful London and live in the peaceful Ipoh. Eating the best food... interacting with great people... seeing nature at its best. Yes, bliss. Especially living in the house now that look much like a chic hotel, compared to the then tiny bedsit in an old Victorian house in London. Am I complaining about life in London? Now I do. Life in London is so stressfull! Too many things to do, things moving too fast... and some stupid people keep on scutinizing you. Plus people are too damn busy; nobody to talk to - most of the times I'm on my own. That's why I blog a lot then. Too much in fact, because it's an avenue to let things out. But more in materailistic and fashion point of view, of course. But now... I feel so much in peace. Not resting in peace okay, otherwise that's something else. Lol. Peaceful. Complacent perhaps. Nothing to chase, nothing to worry. Well, okay something to worry... but at least I really have a lot of people that I can talk to - eye to eye, face to face - which is fantastic! That's why I think there's no stress. And that's why I became less passionate about updating this blog...
So, for the past week I've been taking myself away for a break. I did what I missed doing, just chilling out. Or some people said chillax (chill n relax!). What did I do? The pix below says it all...
I love being home coz I got to see the nature again, at its best....
To see the blue skies... in which it happens throughout the year (almost), unlike London where it always gloomy (and so as the people!)...
And appreciate the nature when the sun goes down... it looks so magical!
And enjoy my coffee... Malaysian style, in a kopitiam way at the cafe...
or by the highway stop, with my fav nasi lemak...
or by the lake, while enjoying the sunrise...
in fact to have the coffee in a different form... :)
The thing is, I'm putting on weight to get into my ideal 70 kg. I am just 1 kg shy away from the target, and believe me it's so damn hard and it took almost 4 months to increase from 62 to 69 kg! What did I do to 'bulk up'? Munching my fav food... like these Dunkin' Donuts...
or my fav Alien donut from the Big Apple...
by which now I know what the angels eat (I think they mean the Victoria's Secret angels, I guess)...
or having the waffles, with kaya spread. Yahahahumm...
or getting my tummy being 'prosperous' with the McD Prosperity burger (by which you can only get it in Asia!). The best 'creation'. Ever!
... which comes with the super-delicious curly fries...
I know everything will go to the guts. The midsection. And that's why I'm also doing my abs workout....
so that I could get the 6 pack in one month time! Well, at least Men's Health can teach me that!
Anyway, I also did some upgrade on the home decor.
Like, getting a new black rug for the dining table...
so that the look is more 'black n white' as I wanted to...
oh, I should tell you that I love the stainless steel pot that my sis get me from the Forbidden Land.
Splendid, and it matches everything!
And I also got new side table for the bedroom in dark wood. (Previously it was beech).
Again, the mood is for it to look so dark, evil and chic. Come on, it's a bedroom - a place to be... evil. :)
.. and thankfully, the drawer also gives a place to all my Calvins...
(okay I have to blur the 'thing' and show you just the label coz it may look 'uninvited' by some people..)
What else? Oh, finally the guest room at upper floor has really turned into my walk-in wardrobe. Ala what Lagerfeld has. Last time the room is only for the shirts, but now almost eveything has gone into it. Yet, it's incomplete coz there's still 1/3 of my clothes need for a real storage!
So this is it. I think this would be the last entry for 2010, which is nicely counted at 699. For 2011, there's so much thing to do. So many project will be happening: my writing, my photography session, my music thing, my home renovation, travelling n checking out chic hotels, fashion projects, etc..etc. There's so much thing to do. It's more about living life rather than shopping for clothes.
Seriously for the past months I've blogged too much. In fact for the past 'almost 3' years I've blogged far too much. Too much time has really been invested. Do I get anything in return? No. Do I inspire people? I don't know. Do people really enjoy or appreciate what I'm trying to say or do? I have no idea. Or at least, I don't think this blog do all of that coz you never let me know. And from now on, I'm gonna do the same thing: being silent.
Thank you, and signing off.
(Unless, if I see at least 100 followers in this blog - then it's worth to break my silence for another round.)
S
